It’s been two weeks since I’ve been back in Canada after living in Italy for 7 months. I’m not sure how long I’ll be here, but one thing is clear to me. Unlike a lot of folks on this side of the pond, Italians want to look like they put effort into their look. They want you to give them a once over and appreciate the details: the carefully chosen watch, the heirloom earrings, the stand-out shoe, or the expertly tucked blouse. In fact, giving someone’s outfit a once over is expected.
Naturally, I started putting more effort into my appearance when I was in Italy, and here’s what happened. Even if I was having a stressful or down day, I still showed up for myself. Even if it was only in the form of my outfit. When I started to take pride in my appearance, I started to take more pride in myself. Even hair and makeup became part of my morning routine. (I’m still not a multi-step skincare person, but simply choosing a luminance serum with some guasha vs. slapping on moisturizer in a hurry feels good). After two years of post-divorce emotional brain fog (I have no other term for this lol), I actually started to have the energy to work a full 8 - 10 hour day.
Something else ironic happened. Even though a big part of me was dressing for my environment knowing that people are paying attention; I actually stopped worrying about the judgment of others.
Since landing back on Canadian soil, I made a commitment to myself to continue dressing as if I was still in Italy, even though I’m currently in one of Canada’s most laid back and unimaginative cities. It’s only been two weeks, but liberating myself from the confines of my city’s aesthetic has been a powerful exercise so far.
Kitten heels to the grocery store? Why not. A coordinated skirt and shirt combo for an eye appointment? Great. Feeling overdressed compared to flip flops and short sundress combos that were prevalent? Not in the least.
I’m not sure what’s changed, but instead of feeling self-conscious about not blending in, I just feel good. I’m proud of the fact that I don’t look like a typical errand-goer. But I also don’t feel out of place. This isn’t new - I’ve always preferred taking a contrarian, (if at times more lonely) route since I was young - but for some reason, now I am comfortable expressing this point of view through my clothing. There are a few things I think it boils down to, so I'm sharing them with you today.
1 - find some balance
While I love dressing for me and myself alone, it is so satisfying to dress in a way that also honours our surroundings from our own point of view. It’s an elusive sweet spot where two worlds meet: our own authentic selves and our external environment. The balance is in elements of style: using things like texture, colour, or a design detail to give a nod to our surroundings.
For example, I feel best in tailored separates and clothes that feel at home in a corporate setting. That doesn’t make sense for my surroundings or even my own work, but I can find a balance. I do it by choosing more structured shapes with clean lines, but honour my surroundings with a casual balance of soft colours and laid-back textures in this skirt and shirt combo.
The skirt is pencil and has some diagonal darts to give it structure and architectural shape. The shirt is a relaxed fit button down, but both pieces are denim. Denim is synonymous with relaxed vibes, but even more so when it’s in a medium to light wash, like my entire outfit.
By prioritizing the elements which I resonate with most (structure, tailoring), then injecting other elements that spoke to my environment (laid-back texture and colour), I created an outfit that felt both true to me, different, yet not completely outlandish for where I was.
Italians are masters at blending style and function. Finding this balance allows us to do both.
2 - make something beautiful
Maybe it’s the Italian style sensibility that got knocked into me, but I appreciate beautiful things. Italians are masters at creating beautiful surroundings, beautiful food, cars, shoes, clothes, dishes, even insignificant details are given attention to ensure they’re not only functional, but they’re nice to look at too … the aesthetic presentation of anything is paramount to Italians. It’s simply part of their culture. Even if my surroundings aren’t the most beautiful, I can still contribute to beauty. I appreciate when someone else puts effort into their outfit, so why wouldn’t I do the same? This attitude reminds me of la bella figura. The Italian attitude of la bella figura is rooted in showing respect for ourselves and others through how we show up and move through the world. It may seem vain on the surface, but taking care of ourselves through our appearance and clothes can have a direct impact on our self esteem. There’s nothing vain about wanting to look good and feel good. Especially because when we feel good, we can better serve our communities and those around us. What I especially love about the idea of bella figura is that it does not center consumption. You can practice it with what you already own.
This practice doesn’t have to be groundbreaking. It can be as simple as adding a thoughtful accessory, steaming your clothes before putting them on, or being intentional about colour choices.
3 - self-confidence
This might seem obvious, but self-assuredness is necessary to dressing slightly out of our comfort zone, or at least in a way that will potentially stand out in our environment. If we don’t own our outfit (not in the financial sense), it will feel off. For others, but most importantly for ourselves. Unfortunately, this can’t be bottled up and sold, or even shared in a step by step guide. But that’s also the beauty of becoming unapologetic about who we are and exploring personal growth. It’s a personal endeavour that belongs to nobody but us. We’ve got to face the worst of ourselves and still accept what we find. And hopefully at some point; love what we find. We get closer to this conversation in our membership community, but this topic is crucial to personal style and i’m happy to discuss it more here, on IG and Youtube channel if you’re interested.
For now though,
I’m going to keep dressing as though I’m in Italy. I love the way it pushes me to be more thoughtful and bold about my outfits - even if I’m not going anywhere. I challenge us all to try this! We know we feel better when we put thought into our outfits, but putting it into practice isn’t always easy. Try this challenge! If you’ve ever visited a city that inspired you or if you’ve resonated more with another environment than your current one; try using this as a jumping off point for your daily style inspiration.
When we’re standing in front of our closets with nothing to wear, it’s because we are fresh out of ideas or motivation to put together a thoughtful outfit. This little style challenge might help.
In my membership community, we’ll be working on this all month and sharing our outfits and inspirations. To get us started, I’ve included some of my Italian summer style inspiration. Shop your closet for these looks, or join the membership to see how others shop their closets for this challenge and get even more inspiration!
IN OTHER NEWS …
I’m back on Youtube after a 3 week break! This was the LONGEST time I’ve ever taken off from the channel and I missed it. But like all pauses, it was necessary. Thank you for your patience! Watch last Sunday’s video - it’s got my top tips for staying stylish in the heat without having to add ANYTHING to cart.
I was quoted in Scientific American! I’m honoured, shocked, and am still trying to figure out a way to break the news to the men in my family who are all prolific scientists, engineers, or doctors. the irony is killing me.
Italian Summer Inspo - Things I’m eyeing but not buying (yet)
a dish I can’t get enough of …
Italy also changed my relationship with food and cooking which I was NOT expecting. I now find myself taking time every day before lunch to properly cook a meal, where before I would stand at my counter eating leftovers. This recipe from Emily English has become a fave. I recreated it without the ham as I avoid pork when I can. Happy to report it was still delicious and I will now be adding zuchini ribbons to every long pasta dish I create!
a place I bookmarked to return …
I stayed at Livantea resort just outside of Otranto, and it was one of the best hotel experiences I’ve ever had. It’s owned and operated by a fantastic couple - I met Enza after driving several hours down the Puglian coast while my amazing friend Larissa wrangled Apollo every time he decided he wanted to drive. She welcomed all three of us so warmly and made sure we were instantly comfortable and relaxed. This resort is small, intimate, tranquil and full of good vibes. The breakfast is different every day but always features local homemade goods - a yogurt bar, sweet and savoury pastries, fresh fruit. The pool feels like an oasis and it’s surrounded by olive trees - the quintessential Puglian oasis. If you are interested in the Salento region of Puglia, book this place asap.
Thank you so much for being here and have a wonderful month of July!
Alyssa
xx